Calm Strength

When I think about the people I admire, one trait they all share is the confidence they exude through their warm, calm demeanor. They are understated. Their strength is evident in their self-control, their flexibility, and their acceptance—even of those who vehemently disagree with their point of view. They have learned to trust their own judgment, which leads others to trust them instinctually.

Calmness is not a lack of passion. It is not cold or emotionless. It shows an ability to control the response to emotions rather than allowing emotions to control the response. While there are those who are calm in the sense that they seem disconnected and impersonal, the people I admire are those who are inviting. Those around them feel at ease in their presence. They smile. They are funny. They make eye contact. They listen. They empathize. They are natural leaders because others want to follow them, and they lead through encouragement and positive interactions (even when providing areas to improve) rather than through enforcing a power dynamic based on a fear of failure. No one needs to sacrifice caring about others or being pleasant to be successful or even powerful.

The calmness in those I admire comes from an overall place of acceptance. These people are open to all kinds of adverse situations. They know how hard and complicated life is. To clarify—acceptance is not complacency. My heroes are ready for challenges because they are problem-solvers by nature. It’s not that they’re never rattled; they see the sudden storms as challenges. Even if the storm can’t be “solved,” their creative controlled responses can mitigate the damage.

Those I admire extend this acceptance to people, too. They understand that at no time will everyone agree with their perspective or decisions. They welcome criticism—and here is my biggest obstacle—even when it’s presented with egregious disrespect. They respond gracefully or not at all. There is grace in knowing when to disengage. These leaders accept criticism so well because they accurately self-assess all the time. They know where their skills are most valuable and which skills they have to work on the most. They are not only open to growth opportunities, they seek them out.

The other form of acceptance they have that I hope to grow is of their own shortcomings. Calm people own their mistakes. They respond with humility and apply the lessons learned going forward. Accepting responsibility for mistakes without getting defensive takes a strength that it seems most people lack. People I admire are not afraid to be seen as flawed—attempting to hide flaws and refusing to accept responsibility destroy credibility. In fact, they are not driven by others’ perception of them at all. They are driven by the impact they can have on people and situations. Growth drives them. They earn respect without trying.

I admire the strength that is spoken by the calm. Strength does not need to be trumpeted. Adversarial or self-congratulatory proclamations reek of insecurity. Strength just is. Strength does not get defensive or belittle others in a conflict. It isn’t secretive. It is neither threatening nor easily threatened. It is not concerned with whether people see it or not. It reflects actions and attitudes. It is built on pillars of self-control, flexibility, and acceptance. Despite its quietness, people notice and respond to it.

In a room full of noise from those trying to convince you of their power, I would rather be one of the quiet ones getting the job done.